My Dearest Kaydn,
I held your tiny precious body in my arms, as tears silently slid down my face, eight years ago today. I realized in that moment that I would never get to hear your cry, see your smile, hear your voice, or feel the warmth of your touch on my skin in this lifetime.
I wonder what you would look like all the time. Who you would resemble more with each passing year. What you personality would be like.
Would you be tall like your Dad or just ever so slightly height challenged like me?
Would your eyes be a beautiful mix of blues or would we lose ourselves in your brilliant shades of green?
What would your hair be like? Long and flowing? In a cool mohawk? Maybe buzzed? Would it be cut into the typical little boy haircut that I have done so many times at the salons that I have worked at? Would it be various shades of blondes, reds, or browns? Would it be thick? Wavy? Naturally curly?
Would you have an unexplained love for the ocean that goes so deep it is carried with you always like myself and your sisters do? Or would you hate the sand, salt water, and smells of the ocean like your Dad does? Would the woods call to you instead?
What would your favorite color be?
Who would be your favorite superhero or maybe it would be all about the villains?
What are your favorite books and comic books that we would have read over and over by now, forever etching them into our minds and hearts? Who would your favorite character or characters in a book be and why?
What movie or movies would we all have the lines memorized from watching over and over again?
What kind of music would you listen to?
Would you be into sports?
What would you want to be when you grow up? Would it have changed from what it was last year or the year before?
My list continues on and on. A sadness always filling me in knowing that I will never have the opportunity to find out the answers to my endless questions.
Not a day goes by that I do not think about you or feel your presence surrounding me. I wait patiently until we are meant to meet again, and I know that we will meet again. Maybe not in this lifetime, but in another. I find peace in that knowledge.
How do you tell someone “Thank you for dying so that I could continue to live”? Really, thank you is just not enough, will never be enough. There are no amount of words or phrases that I am able to come up with, nor create to express this. I have instead tried to live my life in such a way that when I feel your presence surrounding me, I am hopefully living up to whatever expectations you had for me when you gave your life for mine. Know that I will never be able to repay you for this gift you decided should be mine. A gift that I never asked for but am undeniably grateful for. A gift from a son to his Mother.
Happy 8th birthday Kaydn Walker Norris. I hope wherever you are you are as AMAZING as I imagine you to be and your life is as rich as you deserve it to be……